I wonder if it will ever end, or if it's just beginning.

It seems that every other day since last Friday I've received unfortunate news. Friday. Monday. Wednesday. I don't understand it, I really don't. But it's not even about me. Sure it's about the people I know, the people around me, but it's not about me. It's about them and I can't even imagine what these people/families are going through. 

For the first time ever I dread the arrival of Friday.

You're Stupid

I'm kind of obsessed with myself, but that's kind of obvious. I keep a blog and a hardback journal. One of my favorite things to do is reread what I wrote. I'm obsessed with myself. 

That being said, I think I'm the only actual reader of this blog. That's right folks..I'm not a one trick pony! I not only write it, but READ it! fabulous! someone's gotta do it. Anyway, I was rereading what I wrote about wanting to meet Mike Myers, among Steve Martin and Gene Wilder.  I feel I need to explain myself, but only for the Mike Myers bit.

Unless you disregard every form of media, most of you know that he had a youdidn'thavetoseeittoknowitwasaterrible movie come out recently, The Love Guru. It was during his time of promoting it did I decide I'd like to meet him. I think I watched every late night show and noticed that he always made point to say how grateful he was to be where he is now. I really admired that about him. Then of course he talked about his relationship/influence with Deepak Chopra, which fascinated me. Mike Myers is a man of substance, even if his work doesn't showcase it. I wanna have a deep conversation with that guy. The End.

I could have maybe, you know, expanded a little bit more on that thought, but I didn't. You know why I didn't? Because it's silly for me to defend myself when I'm the only reader! You know how you're your own worst critic? Well I'm pretty sure I wrote this for me. Meaning that I know I will be reading this blog, and I know I will read about how I'd like to meet Mike Myers, and I know I will think that I was/am just being stupid, and then I will read this post and not think AS lowly of myself. 

Have I lost you? There's no way I could have. Because YOU are ME, and I wrote it!

it's the same ole thing

I'm jaded. 

the end.

"Hard times and funky living can season the soul..."

I just recently finished Villa Incognito by Tom Robbins. This was my first Tom Robbins read, but most definitely not my last. His writing is so clever, so so clever. Even if you didn't care for the premise of the story, you would probably still enjoy the read. He is a master of his art.

When I began the book, I used a small notepad piece of paper as my bookmark. This worked out wonderfully as I found myself liking some lines SO much that I wanted to write them down. I've decided to share what he so eloquently wrote.

"You disrupted the predictable pattern of my life, and although uncertainties and changes can be quite uncomfortable, a life is only a paper puppet show without them."

"For curiousity, especially intellectual inquisitiveness, is what seperates the truly alive from those who are merely going through the motions."

"He crooned the way a can of cheap dog food might croon if a can of cheap dog food had a voice. 'Generic Puppy Chow Sings Holiday Favorites."

" Giggles built up in him to the point where he felt like a bottle of champagne that had been shaken vigorously for about 5 minutes. If something would have popped Dickie's glottal cork, the resulting laugh-blast would have blown out all the windows."

"Hard times and funky living can season the soul, true enough, but joy is the yeast that makes it rise."

I hope you were able to enjoy those as much as I did/do. I love that they don't have to be read in context to be understood.

I am currently reading Pure Drivel by Steve Martin. It's a delight. I would recommend this read. I was unaware, but I guess he contributes to The New Yorker quite a bit, and this book is a compilation of his essays.

Speaking of Steve Martin, he is one celebrity I'd love to meet. On my list he stands alongside Mike Myers, and Gene Wilder. If it should ever happen, which I highly doubt, you can bet I will tell all about it. In the meantime, I'll continue doing what will probably be the closest to meeting him/them- reading their books....with the exception of Mr. Myers.

a follow up

I quit my job. I gave them a months notice, but I quit my job.

I'm looking forward. Moving Forward. Never looking back.

What's the problem?

okay so I've made my highly-anticipated return. ya, ya, right.

I actually had typed out quite a bit of a post, but then realized I hated it, and erased it all. I'll try this again.

1 hour later

I'm still here. I'm still typing. I'm still backspacing. I'm still unsure about what it is I want to say exactly. I'm still.

I know what the problem is.

When I signed up for an account here, I had just returned from a road trip. I let my sense of adventure take over and drove to Texas on a Tuesday and returned on that Thursday. All in all I spent probably a total of 24ish hours completely alone and driving.

At first I thought the drive would be dreadful, but it proved itself to be rather relaxing. I got lost in my thoughts. Something I hadn't done in a while. It was like I was actually able to think and do so freely. I thought that maybe I tapped back into my mind and would be able to stay put for a while. I thought wrong. As soon as I returned home, my mind resorted back to being dead.

So often do people want to go "home." They want to be surrounded by what they know as familiar. They're afraid of the unknown. I have such a sense for adventure, but I've denied it for the past two years.

It's my job. I've done it for too long. It would be different if this was a career choice for me, but it's not. I feel like if I don't quit now, I never will.

In April, I met someone who kicked my butt. He asked what I do and I told him. I then followed the statement with "but my dream job is ..."
"So why don't you do it then?"
Had I known him better, it would have been easy to give him an excuse. When you know someone, you know what you can fall back on. In this case, I had no excuse worthy to even suggest.
So why DON'T I do it?

I'm constantly reminded of his conversation. In more ways than just one.


My brother is home for the summer and has had somewhat of a difficult time relating to some people. People he never had a problem with before.

He's changed, but for the better. He's more philosophical, and has just matured overall. In seeing people he hasn't seen in a while, he see's how they've stayed put. Why haven't they moved forward? Why can't they just let go and be? Someone actually said something to him suggesting he should return to the way he was.

WHY don't they change the way they are? When you surround yourself with what you know as comfortable, you will never push forward. Without new surroundings, your brain can't be stimulated.

People are so afraid of change and of taking chances. I would normally credit myself of not being one of those people, but I'm a hypocrite. I criticise other people for not stepping it up a bit and trying something new, but here I sit at the job I've had for 2 years.

No one is in charge of your life more than yourself, so if at the end, you don't find it to have been successfull, there is no one to blame but yourself.

Because I don't want to have to the take the blame, I'm going to stop returning to what I'm familiar with. I'm going to move forward, and never look back.

Wish me luck.

Ahoy Matey's

I'm coming back. You're not reading this, but I'm coming back.