A friend of mine once wrote a blog and it's stuck with me ever since I read it, probably at least 3 years ago. She questioned whether life could ever really be selflessly lived.
I was thinking about the relationship between people that have a significant age difference, and why it's so attractive. My very basic breakdown was that the younger is drawn in because of the wisdom the older has; the older is drawn in because if the naivety of the younger one. I mean to shine positive light on being naive. That's pretty simply understood, right? yes. So then I thought about why people have kids.
Why do people want to have kids? I wonder what the most common response is to that answer, among people who are expecting, or want to have kids in the future. I'm quite curious. I feel like people don't really know why they want to have kids, but they surely know why they don't want to have kids. You meet someone who says they don't want to have kids and you immediately ask why not, but you meet someone who says they want kids and you don't ask them why.
wait, wait, wait. No, I kind of take that back. I feel like the status of the person kind of plays into the follow up of "why," or "why not?" For instance, single or married, old or young, you'd probably inquire why a person wouldn't want kids. You'd probably only ask why a person would want kids if they were single/young. That rings true in my life, at least. I never asked my married siblings why they wanted kids., but I did ask my single and young friend why she wanted kids.
She would honestly just like to get married and have kids ASAP. We are the same age and this is one thing we strongly disagree on. I guess I feel like we're so young and have hardly experienced life, let alone pass it onto one of our own. Her take was different in that your life really truly begins once you have kids.
I know that extending your genes isn't always something planned, BUT, when it is, is it done out of selfish reasons without us fully realizing it? I know, this seems completely ridiculous because having a child can be about the most selfless thing you can do, right? (well, that is, if the kid is born for the right reasons. IE: not getting pregnant to keep the unsure boyfriend around). You sacrifice a lot when you have a child, but in the end you get back all you gave up. You learn so much about yourself, and life, and people through the eyes of a child. They don't censor themselves at all, which kind of sparks a new attitude in yourself. Their ignorance is bliss, and we just want to be happy. Right? Their ignorance can bring us bliss.
Can it really be that one of the most selfless things you can do can also be the most selfish?
I don't think life can ever truly be selflessly lived.
***this is a very rough idea that I just kinda was thinking about tonight. I hope you can digest it's blood okay, I know it's raw. I also hope you can forgive my, well, ignorance.
1 comment:
i had to look it up, but "selfless" only means /more/ concerned with others than oneself. i know i've met people who meet that definition...at least 51% of their waking time was surely lived for the benefit of, or somehow thinking of, others. at least as much or more than themselves.... thinking of how their actions would be best for someone else, regardless of what sacrifice or inconvenience or whatever it might mean for them at the time.
i think that means "selfless" anyway, and if so, those people are out there for sure. far as i know, those people may spend the other 11-some hours every day in a self-centered vacuum, but even if so, the selfish side would still be /less/, no?
quibbling over a word maybe... but anyway, seems to me life can be pretty much an even split btwn the selfless and the more selfish and still be a good, love-thy-neighbor-style life. afterall, there has to be a significant amount of self-reflection if one is to grow, and be a better friend, etc. can self-reflection be selfless?
i don't know what exactly was on your mind, but i was writing about the "significant age difference" thing just a couple weeks ago...after putting it all down, i remember thinking something like "heh--for my age, i appreciate the passage of life purty dang well." whatever my actual current level of appreciation, i'm quite sure it will accelerate as these quick years carry my frame. (btw i see what you're saying re your "simply understood" point--although 'naivety' is hardly a word i would ever use in conjunction with someone i'm personally drawn to...that's just me, and maybe that's bc i'm afraid the word describes me in too many situations. i'm averse to it regardless...)
so yeah, what is "significant" in terms of age is more or less what i was writing about. i'd called my dad to wish him happy 62nd birthday. and it was sort of an empty question in retrospect, but i asked him: "how's it FEEL??" he seldom gives /real/ answers to sudden, probing questions, on first asking anyway, so his quick reply to that question still has me thinking...
"you know, i think like i'm still 18. still 18 in a 62-year-old body. unless i'm looking in a mirror..."
i knew right away exactly what he meant. you don't /see/ yourself as you go thru life. there are few mirrors to remind your mind of how you /look/ to others. and so in your mind you can relate to anyone willing and ready to relate to you (unless you're constantly thinking of your own appearance, i guess, or mirrors are your bag, dorian gray-style). a couple of my closest friends are nearly my dad's age. i was born when they were as old as i am now ... and yet we now connect as peers. my 2-year-old newphew and i are much much closer in age, but we obviously have little in common right now. i dunno. i guess it's not so suprising in the "life passes in the blink of an eye" context of time. it's a curious thought anyway.
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